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20110701
20110731
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COM 71
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English 71
Search Results 0 to 49 of about 71 (some duplicates have been removed)
, drought, wildfire, laker victories, even alien invasions, but this is the big one, folks. increased traffic on two off-peak days. you know what that means, someone might have to walk someplace. [laughter] think of the children. pray for them. i certainly hope los angeles survives because i've got to be out in l.a. or the big angel, as they say, in just a couple months. i don't want to but it's business because this morning i got nominated for an emmy. [cheering and applause] yep. yes. this is what they look like in person. [audience chanting "stephen"] yes. [cheering and applause] i see these people on the red carpet. now i've already got two for the show, so this could possibly lead to an emmy three-way. see. they're all girls. i checked. [laughter] now, "the report" is nominated for best directing, best writing and best late night show. unbelievably we were once again snubbed for outstanding achievement in prosthetic make-up. people just don't realize that under this i'm like admiral ackbar. [laughter] but for the first time, i was nominated twice in the same category, first for "
, like he did to you in an e-mail. we'll be right back. [cheering and applause] ...was it something big? ...or something small? ...something old? ...or something new? ...or maybe, just maybe... it's something you haven't seen yet. the 2nd generation of intel core processors. stunning visuals, intelligent performance. this is visibly smart. young boy: my polo's lookin' fly! young girl: we're all dressed for show and tell. mom: and it's only july! kids: july?! anncr: who's ready for school? old navy khakis from $12 dollars, polos from $5.50. everybody. thank you. my guest tonight is a harvard professor of philosophy. i'll ask him, what is the sound of one audience clapping? please welcome michael sandell. [cheering and applause] thank you. professor, please, sit down. all right. sir, let's get the crm v. out here. it's kind of impressive for those who like things. you're a professor at harvard, so you're smarty pants. you have thought political philosophy since 1980. you teach a special undergraduate court called "justice." 15,000 students have taken it so far. you can watch this on youtu
those examples to test big philosophical ideas, justice, fairness, individual rights, property rights, the meaning of the common good, what is it to be a citizen. so what the book does and what the course does is to try to connect big ideas of philosophy with the arguments we have about politics and about ethics every day. and my hunch is that if we did that in our public life more generally, our political debates would go a lot better than they're going today. >> stephen: now i happen to think that the answer to "what is the right thing to do" is it is generally that thing that you least want to do. [laughter] it's the thing that never falls off your list but is always at the bottom of your list. and you're always looking the pay someone else to do it. is that anywhere in your equation? >> no. no. [laughter] no. but it is sometimes hard to do the right thing. and the challenge for politics and for moral reasoning is to see if we can do a better jonathan we are doing these days at reasoning, even disagreeing together publicly about big moral questions. so what i'm trying to do in the
't believe that, but i'm going to tellcaptioning sponsory comedy central >> stephen: tonight, big news for wal-mart, not wal-mart big but big. and then animals respond to advertising. you know what they say? leg humping sells. [laughter] and my guest alexandra pelosi made a documentary about immigrants becoming u.s. citizens. i'm going to watch it backwards and make them all leave the country. [laughter] the pope wrote his first tweet today. he is truly the vessel through which god wastes time. [laughter] this is "the colbert report." ["the colbert repor captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( applause ) [cheers and applause] >> stephen: thank you very much. very kind. [cheers and applause] welcome to the report, everybody. thank you for joining us. [cheers and applause] thank you so much. [cheers and applause] thank you, very kind. nation -- [cheers and applause] i don't know actually -- thank you, please, please. please -- i have to -- i don't honestly know why i fight you. i like it more than talking. nation, as an american, i demand choice! whether it's 23 f
. [laughter] let's go in 2012. of course, the big story continues to be my summer concert series: [take: ots: stephest logo] stephest colbchella o-leven, the greatest journalist-hosted summer concert series since greta van halen week. a lot of great bands, the headliner, of course, is dr. pepper, my corporate sponsor. last night's kickoff was a huge success, but i want to apologize for using this t-shirt cannon to fire dr. pepper cans into the audience. [laughter] to those in the first three rows last night, let me just say-- and i mean this sincerely --by entering my studio, you waived your right to sue me. now, folks, i'm not just a music lover, i'm a music-doer. in the '80s, i was lead singer of the new wave rock band stephen and the colberts. you may remember us from our billboard-eligible hit, "charlene - i'm right behind you." jim? ♪ i think of you and i dream of you when i'm taking pictures of you. ♪ i think of you when i'm in a plant looking down from up above you ♪ ♪ you know i'm missing you ♪ my mind is kissing you [cheers and applause] >> stephen: i did not -- [cheers an
, a survey names america's least active city. it's a big announcement, so put on your formal sweatpants. [laughter] and my guest, gary sinise is here to talk about entertaining the troops. luckily, this is their favorite show. [laughter] every time god closes a door, he opens a window. clearly, he's not the one paying for air conditioning. [laughter] this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central ["the colbert report" theme music playing] [cheers and applause] thank you very much. [cheers and applause] [crowd channeling stephen] --] crowd chanting stephen] welcome to the report. good to have you with us. please sit down. [cheers and applause] i know you are excited. the holidays are coming up. folks, monday is july fourth, named for our four fathers: george. benjamin, thomas, and ringo. [laughter] i always check my calendar to find out what day it falls on, and this year, it's on july 4th. wow, feels like it's getting earlier and earlier every year. there are so many great traditions. of course, every year, i take the kids out and we cut down an american flagpole.
all. >> i can't help be a little cynical here because we find out the president has a big birthday bash scheduled for august 3, celebrities flying in from all over. and lo and behold august 2 is the deadline for getting something done so that he can have this massive... maybe the biggest fund-raising dinner in history a birthday celebration. >> stephen: of course! obama just wants to raise the debt ceiling so he can raise the roof! (laughter and applause) and folks, it's his 50th birthday bash so he's going to be partying out with his hollywood buddies like beyonce, george clooney, matt damon, brad and angelina, skinny jonah hill. dumbledore. (cheers and applause) meanwhile, meanwhile, me and louie gohmert aren't even invited. i say we let the economy go down the (bleep). stupid birthday. we just have to make sure that this thing is fixed by august 18 because that's louie gohmert's birthday! and his party is going to be way better. it's going to be him, michele bachmann and steve king eating pizza at the corner booth. (applause) and i didn't get invited to that one, either. we'll b
mortgages. which explains wells fargo's short-lived spokesman sir owes-a-lot. (rapping) he likes big debts, and he can apply! you other brothers can't deny, when a banker walks in with an itty-bitty rate and a big loan in your face, you get sprung! [cheers and applause] but now, one man is standing up to wells fargo. and winning the fight, he is tonight's difference maker. [cheers and applause] ♪ for too many years, average homeowners have been powerless against big banks but if philadelphia, one man, patrick rogers fought back and actually foreclosed on the foreclosers as we learned from cnn's don lemon. >> thank you for joining us. you are becoming a folk hero among homeowners especially those stresd about paying their mortgages. there's been some resident resolution to this case, hadn't there? >> there has. >> stephen: does he have fangs? oh, my god he's not a difference maker he's a vampire. this story got good. go get 'em don. >> you are a hero to a lot of people and thank you for coming on. >> stephen: what? no -- don, ask him about being a vampire. do you see the little teeth righ
it big enough to be seen from england. sends a message. (laughter) but enough about me, folks. let's get to the big news, me. you see before the break the fec gave me permission to form colbert superpac and collect unlimited donations. when i merged from that crowd my g-string was stuffed with dollar bills. and i wasn't even wearing a g-string when i started. so thanks to whoever donated that. and the media reaction has been overwhelming. with headlines like colbert superpac pushes the limits of election law. cole pert superpac good for government and good for us, and colbert is a superpac la boeuf over transformers. (applause) >> stephen: no surprise. no surprise, my superpac and the transformer series have a lot in common. i can also rake in millions of dollars for no apparent reason. so -- (cheers and applause) >> stephen: folks, hogging the space a little bit there. so folks if you have not done so already go over to colbert superpac.com and sign up. so far over 94,000 of you have become members. and trust me, and one person clap -- and trust me, no, no, it's too late. and trust me,
. >> head of scotland yard stepped down amid public outrage yesterday. >> stephen: big deal. who cares if the head of scotland yard resigns. why is scotland yard policing england anyway? call me when the head of england yard resigns. that's news. now thankfully, folks, there is a voice of reason out there. boston friend steve doocy who last friday blew the lid back on to this story with some pr guy who may or may not be employed by rupert murdoch. jimmy, pitch me off a deuce. >> what do you make of what this particular hacking scandal with the news of the world. >> the "news of the world" is a hacking scandal t can't be denied but the issue really is why are so many people piling on at this point. >> avenue's got some serious problems in this country right now. we are teetering on default with. what do they do. they talk about this. >> we know it is a hacking scandal. shouldn't we get beyond it and really deal with the issue of hacking? i mean citicorp has been hacked into. bank of america has been hacked into. i think any of the same kind of attention for hacking that took place less
. (laughter) that tastes like-- we'll be right back. (cheers and applause) ...was it something big? ...or something small? ...something old? ...or something new? ...or maybe, just maybe... it's something you haven't seen yet. the 2nd generation of intel core processors. stunning visuals, intelligent performance. this is visibly smart. >> stephen: welcome back. nation, we all know it is no secret and i said it many, many times that the media is liberal. not how headlines always start on the left? and any time a conservative gets in trouble like rupert murdoch, owner of news corporate and rumor has it the world's largest human zoo, the liberal media starts circling. this is blood in the water. >> shark, shark. shark, shark, shark. shark. murdoch's british tabloid-- tabloid "news of the world" illegally hacked into the voice-mails of celebrity, murder victims and soldier's families in a disgraceful invasion of privacy. or as the british saylorees. so murdoch shut down "news of the world" and for some reason the media continued to talk about this piffle. >> former chief executive of news inte
. just to illustrated how big that number is, if i took an atom, one, two, three, and started counting, then i'd run out of atoms on the earth very quickly. there are 100 billion stars in the milky way galaxy, 300 billion galaxy in the universe. there are not enough atoms in the entire observable universe to count up to that number, which is the age of the oldest thing we can imagine in science. so it's quite a big story, as you say, in a small book. you're right there. >> stephen: brian cox, will you lie on a hillside with me at night? [laughter] stare up at the sky? [cheering and applause] i got a chill, and i don't know what you're talking about. that was really beautiful. >> i saw you begin earlier with the fireman calendar. it seems to have gotten to you. >> stephen: they can come too. now, the last time you were here, we were talking about you also were concerned in geneva. it's a big particle accelerator there. and we were talking about something called the hagues bozon particle. >> yes. >> stephen: explain to the good people what the hagues bozon. is >> it's a theoretical thing
right as to who i listen to. i will not listen to the special interests with the big checks. i will listen-- (applause) i will listen to americans with $100, $5 or zero dollars who have an idea about how to build a better country. i will not put up with the special interests. i call them hogs in the trov and we're going to kick them out. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: all right. hogs in the trough. i happen to love the taste of bacon and they're welcome to my tr rock ugh any time. okay what would a president buddy, and i have to say, that's got a ring to it what does a president buddy do about the debt ceiling? do you let it laps? >> no, you meet your obligations. i mean the president ought to tell the world that we're going to meet our obligations. and he needs to lead. one of the jobs of a president is to protect america, including its workforce. and we are getting beat up by unfair trade. you know that. >> stephen: i do know that. sometimes i do ten shows a week, four of them broadcast, the other six shipped over to india. (laughter) >> stephen: okay. we have to take a li
're all here. so what's the big announcement? okay, okay. gentleman, i am-- i'm not gonna beat around the bush on this thing. i mean, we've known each other since, what-- since we were in grade school, for crying out loud, so i'm just gonna give this to you right from the hip. i mean, it's gonna come straight from the old-- from the old shoulder. i--it--i mean, no fancy stuff or anything-- come on, rick. all right, okay, all right, all right, this is it. [clears throat] i'm getting married. yeah, right, yeah. [laughs] [all talking at once] that wasn't a joke. that wasn't-- that was not a joke, guys! a week from this saturday, i turn in my amateur standing and i--i go pro. i don't believe it. come on. [...] me. wl, thanks for telling us, man. [all talking at once] i just told you. [all talking at once] look, we just figured this out-- well, you're doing the same thing, man. guys. guys. guys, hey, guy-- guys! our buddy is getting married. this is the happiest moment of his life, and you guys are giving him a hard time. you guys should be ashamed of yourselves. congratulations, buddy. co
Search Results 0 to 49 of about 71 (some duplicates have been removed)